It’s 14.34 on a rainy, sunny afternoon in May. In London.
That’s right, my online travel diary is becoming scarcely less about travel and slightly more about my chocolate addiction or the complexities of life as a nearly 28-year old whose half a backpack is still residing somewhere in Brisbane, having been left at the start of the pandemic.
What is the current situation then? Am I exploring various parts of London and writing about the ‘TOP 10 PLACES YOU MUST VISIT IN LONDON’ as many a travel-blogger would? No.
I’m sitting in shorts on the sofa, trying to focus on some type of future life/career/future plan whilst at the same time drinking a hot coffee and trying to wake up. Once again, it’s been a while since I’ve written for this blog, or my ‘online diary’ as I prefer to call it – I am most definitely not a travel blogger and a lot has changed since my last post, apart from my caffeine addiction which seems to have got worse now that I know where all the good cafes are around my area.
So, whilst I continue failing to travel from my sofa unless it’s to the fridge, here is what I’ve been doing for the last few months.
Picked up a new writing client
Not travelled anywhere
Moved out of my family home
Moved into a flat with my OWN bathroom, sharing with an old friend from school
Carried on in therapy and realised how much I’ve always needed it
Not exercised and eaten an obscene amount of dairy FULL chocolate
Realised that guys suck
Panicked about not being impregnated whilst the rest of my Jewish community seem to be popping out tribes
Glorified in the fact I’m actually young af, want to be living my best life and am not going to settle for ANYONE that can’t treat me like the queen I know I am
Beat thousands of people to the last rounds of a Broadcast journalist apprenticeship at ITV
Saved for future travel trips
OOF. Yes, all of that, in what, three months? It’s a lot. It’s a lot to process, it’s a lot to think about and for those of all who are natural-born overthinkers, it’s been great and very difficult at the same time. I think the reason I haven’t updated this ‘online diary’ recently, is because a) I’ve wanted to get myself to the point where I don’t feel a pressure with it and b) strangely, writing hasn’t been the cathartic hobby it was when I was previously feeling depressed or anxious. On the contrary, when I’ve tried to put pen to paper; finger to keyboard about how I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been discussing in therapy, what triggers certain events have had on me, I start to feel sick and unable to continue. In reference to the pressure you can feel about ‘blogs’, this was never a website where I wanted to focus on the maximum amount of likes, shares or views. It was never a place to worry about the fact I wasn’t monetising the site properly, or to be thinking ‘Oh maybe I should be writing about the top 5 socks you should take backpacking to Tesco because that’s all we can do right now’. I write enough itineraries for people without having to feel pressured about what I’m advising here. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I write helpful, listicle style articles about great backpacks or places to visit, and sometimes I just want to write a ton of jargon that people can relate to. I don’t want to feel a pressure TO write a certain type of article just because others are at the same time – do you get me?
Ok. So with that done, hello my friends. I’m back and I’m here to expand on the few points above. I guess, most importantly, is the fact I’ve moved out. HIP HIP HOORAY. How did that happen? I’m not sure. But it’s a major step for me – perhaps more than many realise. Why?
You’ve probably remembered – if you’ve been with me at the start of this journey – that before I went traipsing around the world, I was living at home with my parents. When I got told to return because of COVID from Australia last year, I moved back in with my family. Now, from the amount of – I guess – self development, realisation, insight and other such hippie trippy words I want to use but can’t think of currently, that I gained from my travels by myself and my constant writing, I knew that going home wasn’t going to be the most relaxing experience in the world. I did it for nearly a year, but by the end of 2020 I knew that it was really affecting me more than I think I ever wanted to believe. Dad has MS, and it’s a disease I’ve hated since I was a child. It’s a disease I think I’ll always be angry at, and there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s not in a physical form I can punch in the face. It would essentially be my Dad I would be punching in the face and I think that kinda misses the entire point. It’s just something I know I need to accept, and I still can’t right now. And whilst I still can’t, and whilst there are panic-inducing ambulances that have to quickly turn up randomly, I simply cannot be in that space anymore. So, December 2020, I met up with an old friend; someone I was close with back at school, but hadn’t spoken to properly in years. We went for coffee and a walk around the park, each telling the other that we needed our own privacy and an independent space to grow in. I think her taking me through the muddiest park and a ditch I got stuck in, thus ruining my trainers and making me need to pay for new ones, was the cherry on top of the cake that she would be a great person to live with. So we did it. We found some places, fell in love with the second one we looked at, had a bit of a ‘mare trying to steal it from others who had put down an offer and then moved in a few months ago. And it’s been great.
With regards to travelling, we all know that the world is still gradually opening up and there are just no guarantees with anything. I’ve decided that I want to go hiking and climbing around the UK myself – you guys know I just love booking spontaneous trips and doing my own thing sometimes – and I’ve also got plans to visit Holland, Israel and the US. Whether ANY of those ideas are going to turn into something, I haven’t a clue. In the meantime, I’m just going to continue saving as much as I can – which with rent, is not the easiest – and see what happens.
In relation to the relationship status? I am still very much believing that guys suck and the right one will come along eventually. It’s hard, being nearly 28 and surrounded by people who seem to have everything together. Marriage? Babies? Steady jobs? I guess what I’ve realised, is that that’s not always the case. Sometimes couples work, and they work well? Sometimes couples have secrets from each other – but seemingly the whole world knows these secrets apart from one of the two in question ( yeah I know, gossip is rife around the North West London ends). I know that despite sometimes having those times where I’m sad, thinking ‘ugh yet another rubbish human who pretends they’re interested in a date and then disappears off the radar’ or panicking that my eggs are walking out of my tubes with grey hairs and a walking stick, I do have time and I’m not going to rush into anything with the wrong person anymore. The last two experiences I had with people I really liked broke my heart – thank you Mr Germany and thank you Mr Argentina – and I am not in the mood for any more heartbreak. If you’re not going to treat me right? The door is over there.
Anyway, with that done, I’m off to go exercise. Let’s hope this coffee wakes me up to squat.