A form of relationship which can bring you the highest of highs and totally destroy you when they end. In some ways, I’ve found friendships (the start, how they evolve and sadly how they dissipate) at times, affect my life more than I thought.
I’ve been a social butterfly ever since I could talk. If I could babble incoherently at anyone and everyone, I probably did that too. Throughout school, I enjoyed the fact I had friends dotted in various social groups. A multitude enigmatic personalities provided me a wealth of value across the board.
Uni came along and friends straggled. Having never been to uni, I got to know which people would be there for me, and who couldn’t give a toss. Uni separated the two, and showed me who wanted to make an effort to keep our friendship going.
After the University era ended, I had a little group, as well as friends I had picked up from other places. I went travelling and more friends were made from across the globe, many who I’m still in touch with today, either regularly or sparingly.. I could rely on different ones for different reasons. I enjoyed it, because I felt like a citizen of the world. I loved the fact I didn’t need to constantly speak to people to realise that we would catch up like usual when we met again.
Then I had a giant fallout, over the most ridiculous thing with someone close and it shattered me. It knocked me for 2, and then 4, into 8 and then some. For a year I could barely function. I couldnt sleep, I couldn’t talk about it without bursting into tears and even now, it hurts too much to think about. When you lose a friendship over the stupidest situation, you realise you were clearly never meant to be friends for life and that you place importance over different matters.
I vowed to move forward and take note of those who appreciated me. Sadly, as an outright people pleaser, it was more difficult than I thought. Having got into a relationship, I started to have doubts about the people in my life – or who have chosen not to be in my life for no apparent reason. The friends I would consider my ride or die’s’, who rode off with their own life and haven’t bothered keeping in touch. The friends who pretended to care, but kept you unread for months on end and ignore your exciting relationship news for their own. The friends who wanted you around for a good drunken time, but nothing much more than that.
It’s been a few years of grieving friendships, reigniting new ones and trying to find my place. For some reason, it’s come about whilst I’ve been in a stable relationship than when I was single without a care in the world. Maybe I’m just growing up or maybe I’m being shown that I no longer need to support those who don’t really care about me. Either way, it’s been an interesting realisation at I’ve hit 29 years old.
What do you think? How have your friendships evolved as you’ve got older?