I celebrated New Years 2019 in Bali. Now, spontaneity seems like a lifetime away. After backpacking the world and returning to the UK, here’s what I’ve realised:

1) Everything in 2020 has seemed paradoxical – with two sides to everything. The ‘things’ you’ve always ‘wished you had time for’ you can do. The flip side is that sometimes even relaxing feels like too much. Sometimes pure silence becomes exhausting after two days.

2) I’ve learnt more about people through lockdown than I have all the time I’ve known them. True colours, both good and bad, show when you least expect them to. I’ve lost people that have meant a lot and connected deeply with people I’ve lost touch with. I thank my true friends who have held me up when I’ve been at my lowest and I hope I’ve been that person for them when they’ve struggled.

3) I’ve lived my life differently to most, caring for a disabled father. I’ve tried to control everything, but with a pandemic determining our livelihood right now, I’ve realised we can’t control life – everything is simply an illusion to make us feel differently. We have time, dates and routine, but ultimately we don’t know what’s going to happen. This year, we’ve had to surrender ourselves and let the universe decide what is to be. Being out of control is scary, but perhaps we’ve never had it. Another reason to try and live life day by day.

4) Lastly, 2020 has had life-changing events take place – a global pandemic, rallies supporting the BLM movement, adhering to isolation rules in a bid to save the vulnerable, and universal grief felt after the loss of Kobe Bryant and his daughter. They’ve connected us as humans, through love, anguish, loneliness and strength. None of us are alone in how we’re thinking right now. We’re united, more than ever, as a global team and when life resumes a new normal, we will hold each other again, wipe our tears, and remember how we survived it together, as one.

Happy New Year ❤️

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